Autobiography

 

Autobiography

I did not know my parents well.  Oh, I loved them dearly, but I did not really know them.  Jesus, the Gospels tell us, knew the hearts of both his followers, and his enemies.  To know someone’s heart is to know their true thoughts and feelings, what they believe, what they aspire to and what they regret. My parents never spoke of these things.

Actions speak louder than words, the old saying goes.  What a person does can reveal at least a glimpse into their hearts.  By that, I can say that my mother was a woman of deep faith.  She kept her home well.  She never raised her voice or used any harsh language.  When she was at home she almost always wore an apron, and I know that she always kept a rosary in one of the pockets.  I had her rosary for several decades until I passed it along to one of my granddaughters.  Both the crucifix and the miraculous medal on the rosary were worn smooth and featureless, so I know that she prayed with that rosary many times.  And yet, I cannot remember actually seeing her do so.  She followed Jesus’ advice to pray in secret. 

My mother’s true test of faith came when she battled cancer off and on for the last 8 or 9 years of her life.  I never heard her question, “Why me?”  And when she had her last-chance operation, about a month before she died, when I visited her in the hospital, she told me, “When I woke up in the recovery room Danny, I was so disappointed.  I was hoping to see heaven when I opened my eyes.”  She wanted heaven more than a cure.

My father was much rougher around the edges.  By the time that I was in my teens, he had fallen into alcoholism and really retreated into himself.  He took pride in his work.  That is about all I am certain about. 

I don’t think that personality type necessarily comes from how you were nurtured.  I had older siblings who were extremely outgoing, and yet I have always been “the quiet one”.  I have not invested any effort or time trying to fix that.  I don’t believe it is a problem to be solved; it’s who I am.

I have always loved learning, especially reading and even writing.  Although I always felt a strong inner desire to write I didn’t really have the opportunity to devote much effort to it until a good friend helped me “go live” with Embers from the Fire”. 

There are really two goals that I have in what I write and post in Embers.  First, and foremost, is to help readers to a deeper awareness of how near God is to each of us, how much God loves us, and how active He is in our lives.  The second is to reveal to anyone who cares to read, who I am.  Each of my posts have been about something I’ve experienced - what touched my heart, what caught my eye, what impacted my faith.  It occurred to me, for the first time that the 300+ posts and counting are really my autobiography.  There is a bit of a risk in opening your heart to others, but adhering to my promise at the outset of Embers to focus on the true and the good and the beautiful reduces the risk.  

This week marks the three-year anniversary of Embers as it exists today.  I don’t know exactly how the website tracks numbers of readers, especially because the tracker on my Facebook page never matches the website’s numbers.  However that works, earlier this week, the website tracker says that over 100,000 people have taken the time to read a post.  It is my sincere hope that everyone finds something that makes you smile, helps you remember, inspires an idea, and makes you want to share more of you with God, and with those you love.  You have nothing they want more to offer them but yourself.

His Peace <><

Deacon Dan